Wednesday, February 08, 2006

American Idol 5 - Boston auditions

(Stolen yet again, will I steal anymore? Probably. At least until it gets down to the final 12 or so.)
James Yokley says his nickname is "Goats." Oh, wait, that's "Ghost." He's dressed in Patriot gear and cannot say the world "melodious." He does a patriotic rap and it's as bad as you might imagine. Bad.

Ayla Brown's dad is a senator and her mom is on TV and she's tall and skinny and has sung the national anthem at some big game of some sort and she's a basketball star. You hate her, I hate her. She's a good singer, but she's so confident. Simon says: "I think it's all a bit robotic. Like you've come out of this perfect school, but there's something empty about it all." I can't believe I agree with him. Ah, but of course, Paula and Randy like her. She's pretty and can sing. I liked her OK.

Irada Jafarova is an immigrant. From where, I don't know. She sings at open mics. She starts unbuttoning her sweater while singing. But you can't blame her; I can see how she'd think stripping is how you become an American Idol. Britney. Xtina. X-cetera. But she's horrible and embarrassing and can't get the flower out of her hair, it just dangles lifelessly as she sings Chain of Fools, which is a song I don't think I've ever heard the whole way through. Horrible.

After a bad singer montage, Simon goes off the deep end, apparently. He makes a boy cry. He makes another boy cry.

The O'Donohue twins have the same job, share a car, had the same major. OMG! One had a cyst on her vocal chords, so she's not singing. The other one, Rebecca, sings. Simon: "I think because of the way you look, your life is going to be a breeze. But based on your singing, it's a no." Once again, I'm with Simon. Randy and Paula give her another chance. But, but, but they were incredibly hot! Hot twins. *Lets head drop back, mouth fly open and does the Homer drool* I thought her singing was OK. Her looks got her through to Hollywood.

Tatiana Ward wants to impress the grandmother who disowned her family. She's pretty good. Simon says, "you remind me of a poodle," but Randy and Paula say yes. OK

Holly Corrente works in a senior center singing for people with disabilities. Oh, I like her. She has a pretty voice, but it's not big. They all pass. I didn't get this at all. She could sing. Damn shame.

So far all the people going on are girls.

Kenneth Maccarone is "wound a bit tight," Ryan says. He does Cher. Simon says, "Be a female impersonator." Kenneth: "Absolutely not. I'm a man!" Simon: "Cher, you are not going to Hollywood." :-)

Kevin Covais is a little, little boy. OK, he's 16, he looks very young. He says, "I bring youth and excitement, I think." He's got an awful haircut. But he has a sweet voice. His cheeks are bright red. Simon says, "You're a jolly nice young man, aren't you?" He's going to Hollywood! I'm excited! He could sing.

Michael Sandecki looks like Clay Aiken. "Yeah, big whoop," he says. He's bad. "Actually, I really can sing, I'm just nervous as hell and I need to pee." So they let him pee. Gee, do you think he'll still be bad after he's emptied his bladder? Uh, yeah. Scary.

The auditions are OVER. 175 go on to the next round. My money's still on Paris Bennett. We'll see.
Tubular: Boston: the feminine city

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