American Idol 5 - The 12 guys

Thanks yet again Sara for letting me post this (without your permission).
I did not get to watch most of this. 1) Cub Scout den meeting 2) Cable was out from 6:20 pm - 8:30 pm. I'll post my comments soon.
February 22, 2006

I don't have high hopes for the "guys" (aren't they really just boys? Well, except for Old Man Taylor). They're just too dang dorky.

Patrick Hall is going to "bring it," predictably. Dork factor is 6 out of 10 (10 being pocket protector/sniffly nose weirdo). Skinny men shouldn't swagger. He's no pop star. He would be fine on contemporary Christian radio. Ooh, Patrick has wierd friends in the audience.

Randy: "I kinda dug it, man." Paula: "You're awesome." Simon: "It was a terrible song."

David Radford is a crooner. I am so, so tired of crooners. Dork factor: 5. Singing Sinatra as a 17-year-old is inherently uncool. And he looks really strange when he sings. At least his clothes and hair aren't working against him. Crazy Little Thing Called Love isn't really a stretch, kiddo.

Randy: "I thought that was terrible. There was no originality." Paula: "I didn't think it was horrible." Simon: "I have a feeling the audience at home will like you."

Bucky Covington. Dork factor: 4. An awkward hick! A rare, rare breed. Oh, geez, he's singing Skynyrd's Simple Man. I'm struggling to understand his voice. It's far too growly, but it's also kinda sweet.

Randy: "You have a nice tone." Paula: "It's like a whole journey for you." Simon: "I like the fact that you're very raw."

Ryan: "This is a real guy, here. Soon your hair will be spiked." I love Bucky's blank, blinking stare.

Will Makar. Dork factor: 7. He's a scrawny kid in a blazer. Someone needs to go to town on those eyebrows. He's singing I Want You Back. I have absolutely no feeling about this performance.

Randy: "You did your thing. I was entertained." Paula: "You are adorable." Simon: "Reality check. Vocally, it was completely and utterly average."

Jose Penala. Dork factor: 0. He's stylish. This song is all over the place. Weak falsetto. He's an entertainer, but still not nearly as interesting as the best girls.

Randy: "We got a hot one tonight!" Paula: "That was truly amazing." Simon: "I thought it was a really pimpy, fur-draped Earth, Wind and Fire."

Chris Daughtery. Dork factor: 1. He's rocker stylish, but the super-stylized facial hair is overdoing it. Singing Wanted Dead or Alive. BON JOVI! RAWK! Heck, he does a pretty great Jon Bon Jovi impersonation. All right, he won me over. Or maybe I'm hypnotized by those flames behind him.

Randy: "That was really, really good." Paula: "I am so wowed by you." Simon: "Now I'm hearing somebody with potential. That was superb."

Kevin Covais. Dork factor: 9. He's lovable, so I won't give him a 10. But he's a baby and he has a very visible lisp and he refers to himself as a "fellow." The performance was cute, like a dog wearing a cape.

Randy: "Dude, that was the bomb, man." Paula: "You make me feel proud." Simon: "I like you, but vocally, it was bordering on excrutiating."

Whoa, Babydoll Kevin just got fondled by all the girls! Looks like I'll have to take two points off that dork factor.

Gedeon McKinney. Dork factor: 2. It's the way he overpronounces every word. But he's a pretty fabulous singer.

Randy: "That was good." Paula: "It was a great surprise." Simon: "It was as if I was watching the warm-up act for the Chippendales. Your smile bothers me."

As stupid as he is, I usually agree with Simon's blunt judgments. This time, I think he was just being controversial to be controversial.

Elliott Yamin. Dork factor: I'm at a loss. He reminds me of Mitch Hedberg for some reason. But he's wearing a cassette tape belt buckle! That's dorky! I'm giving him a 3. He's not a pretty man. His singing? I guess it's all right.

Randy: "You sounded brilliant, man." Paula: "Great performance from beginning to end." Simon: "Out of five seasons, I think potentially you are the best male vocalist we've ever had."
Whoa. That's a big freakin' deal.

Bobby Bennett. Dork factor: 8. He's goofy, awkward and singing Copa Cabana because his late grandma wanted him to. Oh, this is horrifying. You can't help but sound like a lounge singer when singing Barry Manilow. Even the girls, who have been so supportive thus far, look a little less perky. Except for Kellie Pickler, who, if you haven't noticed, is mugging in every shot that comes her way.

Randy: "It's like I'm watching someone from a whole different era." Paula: "We have all enjoyed your showmanship." Simon: "That was a complete nightmare."

Ace Young. I don't like Ace. I can't explain it. Oh, anyway, dork factor: 0. He's got the looks, he's got a voice, but he's just too much for me. Too perfect, too pretty, and still appears to be wearing blush.

Randy: "You definitely are a star." Paula: "You're a star; God bless you." Simon: "Not the best vocals we've heard tonight."

Old Man Taylor Hicks is the last guy. Dork factor: Unchartable. He's on a completely different plane. He's singing Levon, which is a great, great song. I have high hopes and he did a really great job. Wouldn't it be awesome if he won the whole thing?

Randy: "You got it going on." Paula: "You have a powerful passion. You love what you do." Simon: "I said I didn't think you should make the finals. I was wrong."

Tomorrow night, the unthinkable happens: four people will die.

Oh wait. They will be voted off, anyway. I make no predictions, except that Stevie Scott is totally, completely and utterly gone.